There's so much I could say about this man, but even all these years later, most of it is still too emotional for me to go through. Instead, I choose today to focus on all the good and not let the tears fall. Not today.
So, I'll just say, I love you Dad and I miss you!
When I first set out to lose weight, I had myself convinced that I knew what I would look like when I was finished. As I said before, I never really set out to lose 100+ pounds. But, now that I have, things are not exactly as I pictured them.
In short, I thought when I was done with my weight loss, I'd be perfect. Perfect little butt and thighs, no leftover fat anywhere on my body and I would be able to look in the mirror and see the ideal staring back at me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm amazed every day at what my body can do and how it looks now. But, I still have a bit of a belly, that I lovingly refer to as my "bagel" (uncooked, as my skin is as pale as uncooked dough.) My thighs are not free from jiggle and my boobs, well, let's just say my boobs are a bit deflated these days.
But, the one thing I've learned in this whole process is that perfection, whatever that means, is not only unattainable (when you really get down to it), but not even really all that desirable. I'd rather have a body capable of doing things like swimming lap after lap and lifting weight I never thought I'd be able to heft. A body that no matter how much I wish it would listen to me, will probably always have some flaw, real or imagined that I wish would be different. Wasting my time worrying about a little flab here and there is no longer something I'm willing to put myself through. I've got too much to do!
*The photos on this blog are both of Britney Spears, from 2011. The one on the left is airbrushed and "perfected". The one on the right is actually her. So much for perfection, even for the rich and famous.*
June 1st was National Learn to Row Day. Who knew, right? So, I took advantage of the fact that our local rowing club was offering a free tutorial on the basics of skulling, which is two oars. Sweeping is what they call it when you only use one. *There's your fact of the day* I tried my hand at it and while it was very challenging, it was also fun. I got to go out in a two person boat with a lovely instructor who was very helpful and I managed a few good pulls in the open water during our 20 minute session. The pics on this post are from the day.
It was just another way that I found to push myself, to get me out of my comfort zone. (Much like a 5k run through mud and obstacles, which is coming up rather soon.) I decided to try something I'd never done before, just to see if I could. Just to see what it was like. That's something I haven't done for a long time. For years, I avoided even really thinking about doing fun new things because of how I felt about myself and how limited I felt in my old body. While I don't know if anything will come of the rowing thing, it was a fun way to spend a gorgeous Saturday morning.
I've been working on a list of things to do this summer, sort of a Summer Bucket List. I got the idea from a few of the blogs I follow, like this one and this one. It sounded like a great idea, so I've been compiling the list of things I'd like to accomplish before the warm weather disappears.
It isn't comprehensive yet, but I think it's a good start. I challenge the rest of you to come up with your own Summer Bucket List. What do you really, really want to do this year?
Heidi's Summer Bucket List
Do an open water swim
Read at least 10 books
Finish at least four big writing projects
Sell my house!!
If we sell our house, throw a kick ass house-leaving party!
Hike part of the Appalachian Trail
Take a road trip, spontaneous or otherwise
Have a S'more by a fire
Camp in a tent.....maybe a cabin....we'll see
.....not sure about the rest yet..... I'll keep you posted!
I've hesitated in writing this post for a while now. Actually, there are probably hundreds of posts I could have written about this topic over the last year, but I never did. I'm not sure why, but, I feel the need to rectify that now.
In the last year, well 11 months, 3 weeks and 4 days, I've lost 100 pounds. Well, actually 101 pounds. Last year, around this time, I got completely fed up with myself and I was tired of being fat. I had achieved the dubious goal of exceeding my previous heaviest weight of 235 and was tipping the scales at 238. I hated everything about the way I looked. So, I decided to do something about it.
Now, I've come to this decision before. Shortly after my 30th birthday, I set out to lose weigh and managed to jettison 50 pounds from my body before I broke my leg hiking and got derailed for a bit. When my injury healed, I never really got back into exercising and it didn't take long for old habits to take hold and the weight crept back on. Fast forward to shortly before my 36th birthday and I found myself right back where I started, in fact, worse than when I started. The hubby and I were looking to go back to Australia, and there was no way in hell I wanted to do that at my heaviest weight and have to look at those pictures for the rest of my life. I set out to lose weight and get myself healthy and try not to let my past failure deter me.
When I first started, 100 pounds wasn't even the goal. That much weight wasn't even on my radar. To me, it seemed impossible. But, with each pound gone, each time I got through a workout without passing out or dying, each time I refused to give into the temptation to jump up on my kitchen counter and eat a whole box of Samoas Girl Scout cookies, the impossible started to seem more and more possible.
Over this journey, I've done things I never thought I would. I completed a 90 workout program that kicked my ass every damn day. (Thank you, Zuzka Light!) I started learning to swim in January and am now considering doing a mile long open water swim for charity. I signed up to do the Dirty Girl Mud Run on June 22. Things I would have never considered doing even six months ago, let alone when I was dragging around 100 extra pounds.
The list of things I want to do has grown by leaps and bounds. (I'll get to that in a later post) Losing weight hasn't solved all my problems, but what it has done is opened up a world of possibilities of new things to do and accomplish. And, to me, that's the most important thing.
The first picture on this post was taken in August of 2012 at my Fantasy Football draft. The other picture was taken last week. Nearly 90 pounds difference... same shirt. I need to do some shopping.
It's impossible for me to fathom that May is half over. This year is moving along so fast, it's hard to find time to stop and look around at everything that's happened. I'm working on some more in depth posts, but they are on the back burner right now due to some deadlines I'm up against.
But, I did want to drop by and mention that my novella, Go Coastal made the Amber Allure Top 10 Bestseller list for the month of April. And, it was only out for three days of the month. Not to shabby. I posted the whole list below. And, if you haven't checked out the book yet, what are you waiting for? Click right here and get your copy.
AMBER ALLURE / April 2013
1. Threadbare Gypsy Souls - T. A. Chase (Gay /
Werewolf) 2. Needing Seth - Shawn Lane (Gay / Contemporary) 3. Going Down
- Cassandra Gold (Gay / Contemporary) 4. Three Little Words - Allison
Cassatta (Gay / Contemporary) 5. Revving It Up - Sean Michael (Gay /
Contemporary) 6. Aria Of The Eclipse - Vivien Dean (Gay / Futuristic) 7.
The Beat - D. J. Manly (Gay / Contemporary) 8. Go Coastal - Heidi Champa (Gay
/ Contemporary) **THAT'S ME!!!** 9. Cherish - A. J. Llewellyn (Gay / Contemporary) 10. A
Little Bit Of Country - Christiane France (Gay / Contemporary)
She's the one who taught me how to tie my shoes. She taught me how to drive, constantly pressing down on her invisible break pedal when I went too fast. In fact, she's the first one who let me drive at all, letting me pilot our family truck at my grandfather's house when I was probably 12 or 13. She made me homemade cakes on my birthday and was there when I got off the bus from my first day of school. She was the one who would rock me back to sleep when I had a bad dream and every time I hear the cadence of her walk across a floor, it takes me right back to when I was a kid and she'd trudge down the hall to yell at my sister and me for staying up late talking and giggling.
I love that she's gotten snarkier and funnier as the years have gone by. Every time I hear a piece of withering sarcasm come out of her mouth, it makes me smile. She's the best grandmother on the planet and my nieces and nephews adore her in a way that melts my heart every time I see them together.
I often joke with my friends that my mother is a saint (said the manner Vince Vaughn uses in Anchorman, when he says "Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!!) and it's not far from the truth.
This Mother's Day, I just wanted to take a moment to talk about the woman who's always been there for me and that I love so, so, so much.
Make sure you call/hug/kiss your mom's today.... for every little thing they do.
I am happy to be able to report that I have a story in the upcoming collection edited by the wonderful Alison Tyler called, "Shhh! Don't Tell Anyone... Erotic Fantasies about Sexy Occupations." I'm incredibly stoked to be a part of such a great line-up and the table of contents is below. Check it out. Not exactly sure when the book will hit the shelves, both virtual and actual, but I'll keep you posted. Introduction: The “Want” Ads
I've been extremely neglectful of my blog. I'm not 100% sure why.... Actually, that's not true. I do know why. The fact that I've only posted 5 times since the new year doesn't surprise me. Maybe it should. Part of me feels disappointed in myself. The other part of me is a bit indifferent.
Part of the reason I don't post that often is that this blog, for the most part, has been about my work life. There have been some personal posts, but mostly, this blog is about my professional life in writing. On that front, it's not that there isn't anything to say. Far from it. I've been very fortunate lately to have a lot of stories/books getting published and I try to mention all that here on the blog. But, I don't do it with a lot of fanfare or entertainment. It's more matter of fact and almost a "hey just wanted to let you know" vibe.
The rest of my life, well, I'm not sure why I don't share more of that here. Maybe I feel like no one really wants to hear it. Or, more likely, I feel like my life is kind of boring. I mean, I work from home, so all of my ridiculous stories of working in offices/stores are gone. Not much happens around here. I mean, sure, I have computer issues from time to time that do drive me crazy, but who wants to hear about that? I mean, really?
Sure, there's stuff happening in my life. Big stuff. Major stuff, at least to me. But, why do I choose not to share it? I don't know. Fear, I guess. I mean, putting your stuff out there in the world and getting no feedback, or worse, negative feedback is a daunting thought. It's not that I don't want to share the good going on in my life. I guess I'm not really sure how to go about it. I'm envious of people who say anything and everything on the blogs/tumblrs/etc. I wish I could. Hell, maybe I should.
Anyway, I've decided to work on posting more, being more open, sharing more of my life. We'll see how it goes. No promises, but as with most things in my life, it's all a work in progress. Besides, I miss posting Man Candy. I have folders and folders on my computer of pictures just waiting to be seen. So, to that end, here is some Candy for y'all. I hope you like it. And, stay tuned. There may just be a reason to come to this blog for a change.